By: Julie Weaver, MA, LPC

How is your sex life going these days? How would you say your spouse would respond to that same question? Let’s talk about it……. Do you remember when you were first together intimately? Back then, was it exciting, sensual and fulfilling? Chances are it was all those things and more. The relationship became new and different when you made love for the first time. As a couple you were new, excited and more than anything else, you were in love. I hope you still believe you are in love. But as we all know, some of the sexual feelings can fade, and along with it, some of the natural responses. Sometimes sex can become routine, and sometimes boring. This can be a problem in your marriage. It can lead to feeling your needs are not met, which can lead to issues like addictions, affairs, and bitterness just to name a few.

Let’s talk about some things to bring you back to the loving, fulfilling lovemaking it was once for you.

5 Pointers to Turn Sex Back into Sensual, Fulfilling Lovemaking

1. Begin with gentle caressing. Spend time on this area. Kissing along the way, staying connected to each other is vital. Showing love here will go a long way toward pleasing your mate. Smooth over other areas, (the whole body when time allows) before going toward the primary sexual areas.

2. Enjoy -Allow yourself to enjoy your spouse’s body. Focus on enjoying the view and the feeling of the action. Remember you are not only pleasing your mate here; allow yourself the sensations as well. Watch, listen and enjoy your spouse’s pleasure.

3. Don’t rush– Be patient. Wait to begin intercourse until the anticipation has built. Allow both of you to wait for the buildup of anticipation. Media’s portrayal is hype and all about the rush. Everyone likes a quickie sometimes, but the quickie is not what lasting relationships are built on. Let’s face it junk food/fast food does not provide long-term nutrients to our bodies and a quickie does not nourish long term health in our relationships.

4. Focus -Keep your focus on the experience not the mechanics. Intercourse, as with the whole lovemaking experience, is not about performance. Allow yourselves to truly feel and get lost in the experience. Watch, listen to the sounds, allow yourself sounds, and enjoy the movements, the weight of your spouse’s body on yours, the feeling of skin to skin contact.

5. Acceptance– Be ok with things not being perfect. Remember, this is about being together more than anything else. No one’s perfect and no one expects you to be perfect. Just relax & enjoy.

What does our society say sex should be? Does that even matter? What does God say love should be? (I Cor. 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind……) What does God say sex should be? Read Song of Solomon to find out. What do you want it to be? If you are a married couple and/ or believe you are in a long term (forever) relationship, I assume you want your sexual experience to be fulfilling. And I imagine it still is at times, but there can be some issues that do arise that can hinder your relationship in this area. Some minor issues can become major problems if unattended. Many assume it is normal for their sex life to become mundane after many years. I hope to have changed your thoughts on that and possibly bring some fulfillment back into your marriage.

For more help within your relationship please consider talking with a counselor who specializes in this area.

 

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